• is freaked out The Large Hadron Collider was shut down by a runaway weasel…scientists are still on the lookout for Ted Cruz.
  • is freaked out the Bison will be the Nation’s American Mammal…They needed a big and hairy animal and Chris Christie couldn’t do it.
  • is freaked out about all the hype behind the One Minute Workout…which is awesome because that’s how long it takes me to run to the fridge.
  • is freaked out Ted Cruz chose Carly Fiorina as his running mate…which will be great when they have nothing to do but go on The Amazing Race.
  • is freaked out a 12 year old girl accidentally ran a half marathon…when I was 12 I accidentally ate 7 1/2 Snickers.